The Naked Drummer

From one of my publications, A Century in the Making.  published a few years ago, I have chosen to bring you a little bit of poetry.

Firstly, a little explanation.

Back in them thar hills, for a number of years, there had been an enthusiastic group of individuals who loved to be free and unencumbered.  In other words a group of naturalists who loved nothing better than getting their gear off.
Their base was deep in the wilderness of the New Zealand Mackenzie Country, along the banks of  Irishman Creek.  It is an ideal spot in the summer, but in the winter, things can go a little off the boil.
And I suppose you can't blame those members who want to bare their privates to the wind and the sun, yet when the barometer reaches 0 degrees, that is certainly no fun. Bryan and Kaye, who founded this little group decided to head for greener pastures, where the sun is more sympathetic to those whose blood was getting thinner as they grew older.
The local Mackenzie Highland Pipe Band had been invited to perform at the groups final meeting in the Mackenzie, hastily adding there was no need for Band members to get their off.

The title of my poem is 'The Naked Drummer.'

A letter in January, from Bryan and Kaye
Would the Band at their Scot's gathering, play?
What's this?   From Pipe Major John
Oh dear, I'm not sure this thing is on
We're all going, said the Band, as they huddled together
OK said old John, but no ring-ins or kids, and he pointed at Heather
Irishman Creek, way down in the valley
A place we all know, as Aoraki Naturally

Amanda and Amanda, they too wanted to go
But they are not part of the Band, did you not know?
Their hubbies, they were all eager to play
But the girls did not trust them, or that's what they say
In a hat, spat and kilt, they outfitted the gang
Then they looked around for something to bang
Of tenors you're short, those sticks we can do twirls
Y'no, we're not half bad, for young country girls

For the blokes, Colin figured, things could be grim
As the light in the tent, it may be quite dim
Carrots, a great bunch, to a practice he bought
Now see here you fella's, I've been giving it some thought
Young blokes need to care for their ocular
Hold on to them eyeballs, or am I being jocular

Into the cars, with our spirits all naturally prone
Anxious that no one gets poked with a drone
Helen and John, they came from afar
For the haggis contingent, we made room in our car
A tune-up at Irishman, our first port of call
We got a great welcome, no trouble at all
Back to the car, we cautiously got
Then on to Aoraki, in case some forgot

For folks, we have played, but none in the raw
We were greeted by Bryan, in T-Shirt, no more
Band at the ready!  A quick burst of an aire
Your music cries John, don't anyone stare
Scotland the Brave, was the strain we had in mind
Then Cate saw that man, she instantly went blind

We played and we played, as never before
Looking this way and that, until our eyes became sore
The audience clapped and some even danced
As they twirled and they skipped, like fairies they pranced
The tunes were familiar, to everyone there
They were wriggling and jiggling every part bare
Kaye played the drum with panache and great skill
To an audience, many of whom could never stand still

We took a short break, to mingle and parley
They fed us on cake and scotch made from French barley
Then the haggis appeared, on the big table
But it's stone cold, said the girl known as big Mable
So it's back in the oven and into the slot
It won't be long now before it's near hot

As Helen bent down to look in the oven
A friendly hello, came from a chap called as McGovern
With a big cheesy grin, he said how long's it been in
She turned round to a sight, that was to give her a fright
It was not the moustache, where she got her surprise
And it certainly was not, the look in his eyes

Addressing the haggis was a sight to behold
John rendered the process, to a paunch full of gold
Mixed spices and herbs, all from the land
He recited his Gaelic; you've never heard it so grand
For the haggis to be equal in size
There's a whack, the thistle fell before our very eyes
A quick slice, the address now complete
We anticipate this, to be more than we can eat

A donation to the Band, we accepted with care
Along with some whiskey, they thought we could share
Now off with the cork, in the back of the car
Everyone mentioned, it was the finest by far
It brought to an end, a glorious day
Though some had trouble putting the whiskey away
Said Pipe Major John and Bass Drummer Paul
We'll knock it back, no trouble at all

Now, Bryan and Kaye, they've moved away
They are off to warmer pastures, what can I say
It was the cold weather, which gave them some trouble
Their exposed bit became chilly
Instead of Blue Peter, it became chilly Willie

So, all were about to move on
The two Amanda's, Helen and John
Our visits to Irishman Creek
They will always remain, tongue in cheek
Fond memories of those people, we recall actually
We bid you adieu, Aoraki Naturally