Tales of Cricklewood

Cricklewood School

This time I have chosen to give you a small segment of my latest book, Humour Down Under, to be published shortly.  It relates to part of a story, Tales of Cricklewood, set in the early 1900s.

I hope you will get a bit of a giggle reading it. 

Being a country Primary School in a farming community, morning talks by the five-year-old students were encouraged at Cricklewood.  Quite often stories revolved around embarrassing events that may or may not have actually occurred at home or on the farm.  Many were figments of a young pupil’s vivid imagination.  I can recall one such story it went something like the following:-

A young trainee teacher, a city girl, was in her first year teaching at Cricklewood.  She continued with the tradition, of each infant being encouraged to present a morning talk at the beginning of each day if they desired.  

One particular morning, as usual, she asked if any of her class had anything they wanted to talk about. 

Young John raised his hand.

“Please Miss, my father said his dog had worms, the vet came and gave it a pill, the dog passed a worm over six inches long.” 

The teacher raised her eyebrows. “Oh. Goodness.”

Little Fred, had only just started school a few weeks beforehand.  He had his arm up, almost to the point of shaking his hand off; he was not going to be outdone.  

“Yes Fred”, said the teacher.  “Have you got a story?”

 “Please Miss, my father said one of his dogs had worms, the vet came and gave it a pill.  It passed a worm ten inches long.

You should have seen it,” he said proudly.

“Yes. Yes. Fred, it must have been a large one, I don’t think we needed to see it, thank you,” she muttered, with a feeling of revulsion. 

Timothy caught her eye, a timid fair-haired boy sitting down the back with his hand half raised.

“Did you have something Timothy”, she asked. 

“Yes Miss,” he said, fidgeting with his inkwell.  “My father said his dog had worms.  He told me he rubbed turpentine on its bottom and the old dog passed two Fords and a Chrysler!!

Teacher’s hand flew to her mouth, she couldn’t help it.  Rolling her eyes, she turned her back on the class, unable to control her mirth at Timothy’s story.

“Timothy! . . . She said, turning back to the class and trying to keep a straight face,
“that is not true, is it?"

“True Dinkum Miss,” Timothy said, with a cheeky smile.